If there were a show for me right now, it would be called, Anxiety Island. I would be the star of that shit.
Something has happened y’all. Im not even sure when exactly it started, this time around, but the ceiling has been caving in on me just about every day. I’m not sure if it’s the divorce, or the fact that I have moved out and i now have my own place, or that there was an Idiot boy i was seeing for about 2 seconds who turned out to be a complete freak show, but I have been losing my shit on the regular y’all.
One night, I lost my shit at a party…kinda. It was more internal, and the situation was beyond strange. I was in a strange house, in a strange place, with strangers, singing with a strange band I’ve never sang with and the only person I knew was going to go home and leave me at this place…Fuck that. I saw the ceiling about to crash on me, I phoned a friend and drove home with them following me.
The next time it happened I was at the dentist’s office…I was mid cleaning then BAM! Ceiling caving in…had to leave
After that it was at work.
BTW folks, my company has transferred me back to Mario’s, as a server…. I am happy about it. I love me some Mario’s. It’s a hot-mess express, but apparently I am a stress whore and I need this place right now…
anyway, so there I was, at work, nothing happening, nothing major, and then BAM. Ceiling caving in again…it was epic. There were tears…I hate crying, but there were actual fucking tears and Blow Job (one of the Moroccan Wonder Twins if y’all remember) stopped me and was like “WTF Hand Job…why are you crying?, No tears allowed on this island” (I’ll explain the Island thing later) and I was incoherent. Could not speak anything but spanish at this point. (my roots hail from Spain, it was my first language, so when I’m in a situation like that, literally cannot speak english). My amazing managers swooped in and I was sent home. It was like clockwork…done and dusted.
I’m taking xanax to stop this crap…but I only take it when I’m freaking out…I don’t want to end up on Intervention or Hoarders wearing a purple catsuit and a top hat on the corner of the Ho stroll…
I’m working this out y’all..it’s a process and it aint gonna be pretty..bear with me…
The last time I got out of a long term relationship I was having panic attacks on the regular for a few months. I haven’t had one since. The whole “major life change” thing can affect our psyche in weird ways
Been there and done that. I do have the xanax for extreme days, but I take a half a dose of zoloft daily. It has saved my life!! Really only need daily meds for about three months. Take care of yourself, this too shall pass.