Total Eclipse of some hearts...

I have been noticing lately, actually ever since we had that huge eclipse this year…that nearly everyone around me is having relationship issues. I am not sure if that is because I have been going through it, so I notice it everywhere, or is it because it is legit happening all over the place. Hank, one of my closest friends, the one who had to scrape me out of bed a few weeks ago, he and his lady seriously break up just about every other week. He can’t trust her because of whatever and she cant seem to tell the damn truth about anything, and every week, I watch my friend go through agonizing heart break over this female and I just don’t understand it. They have not even known each other that long.

Another friend of mine, Manuel, He has this crazy lady he fell totally in love with, and one day a few weeks ago she went off her meds, and lost her shit and told him she didn’t love him anymore and moved out of their apartment. And every day he is back and forth and back and forth with this crazy chick. Another friend of mine just found out her husband has been having an affair, she is a mess, and inconsolable mess. Quite frankly I’m not really any help to any of these people right now.

And I’ve reached a point where I can view the situations from all sides really. I’ve been bat-shit crazy, I speak that language, I have been with someone who is bat-shit crazy and had my heart broken. I have been cheated on and I can understand why some people would look elsewhere for affection and excitement outside of their relationship. I know the sting of loneliness. I’ve never been a huge fan of liars, so I don’t really understand that part, but I do know the immense pain of finding out someone has lied to you. I also know what it feels like to take them back over and over and over again even after they continue to lie.

So many times as women, we are quick to jump on the “oh, he hurt you, well fuck that bastard!” train. And listen ladies. I am not sticking up for cheaters and liars here, I am just saying, I have seen both genders act retarded. I have acted retarded recently myself over an idiot that was never even worth it to begin with. Made a total fool of myself, not because of this person specifically… I believe I was transferring all my unaddressed issues and emotions from my failed marriage onto this person, and placing higher expectations on them, when there was no way, they could even come close to meeting them. Delusional is the word that comes to mind.

I have another friend. He had his heartbroken over 6 years ago by a woman who cheated, lied and had a baby that she claimed was his for years and he later found out it was not. He was so enraged he smashed her car and has not emotionally recovered since. He refuses to date, he refuses to trust anyone of the female gender ever again. The bitterness is strong in this one.

But even with all I have been through, I can never imagine being that bitter. I still have hope that someday…someone will get me and all my strange and love me the way I deserve to be loved.

I can’t give up on that.

I’m certainly done looking for it, I’ll let it find me.