...You know the ones...
Spring Break is officially upon us in the Jungle. And for the most part it has been fruitful. We are busy as hell ya’ll. I have been working in the Jungle more than the new place. But, honestly, i’m really Ok with it. I work on the floor serving now for the most part, but I still bar tend when they need me to, I food run, the money is good, great infact…it’s really not so bad.
Anyway, As some of you may or may not know, “spring break” in Florida can last almost 2 months, what with schools all over the US and Canada having breaks on different weeks of the month. And while it can be awesome for your wallet. It can grate on your goddamned nerves. This week, it’s spring break in the south. Every Sweet tea Drinkin’ Extra well-done steak eating redneck and their grand ma are here in FL for vacation.
I hate sweet tea. There I said it, I fucking hate fucking sweet tea. All night tonight, every time i walked up to greet a table I felt like I should be hearing banjo music in the background… Every table, with exception of 2, were from either mississippi, arkansas,kentucky, alabama or louisiana… and they all asked me ” Do ya’ll have sweet tea?”…
Me: Yes we do.
Them: Is it real sweet tea?
what I wanted to say: No it’s fucking fake ass animatronic sweet tea…what the fuck kind of question is that?, you ignorant…
Me: (what I actually said) Yes.
Every time I heard the word sweet tea i saw my tips withering into dust and blowing out the window…
Every one wanted Steak and shrimp or burgers, and everyone wanted them well-done. If it wasn’t Sweet Tea it was water with lemon and 5 packs of splenda…people will do anything to save a few bucks. It’s a Drink, you are on vacation…buy a fucking soda or a goddamned sweet tea for fucks sake.
I think the grand prize winner of the night was the douche on table 204. I greeted the 4 top, I rang in their food and drinks, brought out the drinks, then came the appetizers. One of which was a salad.
When I went for the obligatory check back, mrs douche asked for more ranch and sweet tea…her husband wanted more beer. I dropped the ranch and the beer off, About 4 minutes later i look over and they are all gone..the whole family. about 8 minutes later, they all return from the bathroom. Apparently they were all washing their hands. Really, AFTER you already ate your apps you decide to wash…you know what, fuck it..never mind. So i go over and of course Mrs douche wants more ranch, more for her, more for him, more ranch for the kids…. so i come back, with 5 sides of ranch, and more tea and beer. Then the Mrs wants some parmesan cheese, and yet another side of ranch… I go get that, bring it back. I ask how everything is going..Mind you i have been back to the table 4 times since the food was dropped. Mr Douche kind of shrugs…I ask what the problem is..he tells me, that his food wasnt very hot.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?! you were in the damn bathroom, for 8 minutes at least, after the food was dropped, and you knew it…and you want to complain about it not being hot, after I have already been to your table 4 times?…ugh I informed a manager, they comped 20.00 off the check, and even though the Douche of the day said he knew it wasn’t my fault, he still only left me 8.00 on 98.00…
I was so pissed. What an asshole, I wanted to take a huge bucket of ranch and dump it all over the entire family..I only allowed myself to be pissed for 3 minutes though, then i let it go. the next table more than made up for it…
Is this enough fucking ranch for you assholes???...
but seriously southerners…if you can afford to come to the theme parks, and you can afford to eat…you need to tip. If you can’t afford to tip, bring a sack lunch. We don’t want you in our sections…stop being ridiculous and cheap, we’re servers…not servants, and our services aren’t free motherfuckers.
and to that I add…
